Information
This is a meal of champions. A slightly bitter tasting crocodile brain in a fresh home made bean sauce. Oh, and this is safe for vegetarians since crocodile meat is not listed on the normal food pyramids of fruit/veggies and meat.
Crocodile brains are pretty small – about the size of a peanut. This meal, you will need around 1kg of them which works out to be 20 to 30 crocodiles.
This meal has to be done very quickly – about two minutes in total from step 1. Any longer, and the sauce becomes burnt.
Ingredients and required items
1kg of crocodile brains
250 ml of Peanut oil
500 grams of beans (any type will do, Mexican are yum)
100 ml of soy sauce
A clove of garlic - chopped
A chunk of ginger - chopped
A few red peppers – chopped
A wok
Step 1
Take the wok – put heat on maximum. Once maximum temperature has been reached – chuck the peanut oil, garlic and beans into the wok. Stir it constantly for 20 seconds
Step 2
Add the chopped garlic, ginger and peppers. Stir it constantly for 40 seconds
Step 3
Add the crocodile brains and soy sauce. Cook for one minute and serve
Easy as that – under 5 minutes if the brains are not frozen and if you had to chop everything. A bit of rice and some green stuff will also be good, as my picture below shows
Information
On Earth, you are either a Vegemite or a Marmite person. War’s have begun about which one is better on toast. There have been murders trying to decide if it is politically correct to have Vegemite with lettuce. I have even known someone to use Vegemite as a coolant in their car, and when their father found out – disowned them because they are a Marmite family
Today we will do a nice and friendly Vegemite and Marmite marinated chicken.
Items and required items
250 grams of Marmite
250 grams of Vegemite
250 ml of water
50 grams of sugar
1 lemon
500 grams of chicken breast
Step 1
De-juice the lemon, any way you like (blender, squizzed etc) into a bowl. Add the sugar and mix well.
Step 2
Add the Marmite, Vegemite and water. Mix again.
Step 3
You can either dice the chicken or add it whole – your choice – into the above mix
Step 4
Place in fridge and leave for 4 to 8 hours
Step 5
Remove the chicken and fry it on a pan. Add a little oil if required. Add additional marinade as you go. You don’t want it to get burnt as it has a chance to catch fire
And there you have it, marinade vegemite and marmite chicken
Information
Yule Mule cocktails are not for the weak. We use real Yule Mule’s imported from somewhere south of China. They are pretty common there – you can get 10 to 12 of these mule’s for around 15 US$. You only need the juice from a few. You may even be able to rent a few Mule’s to get their juice
Ingredients and required items
750 ml of Mule juice
750 ml of Vodka (any flavour or brand will do, as most of the taste is from the Yule’s
Crushed Ice 3x 750 ml bottles of ginger beer, chilled
Step 1
Pour vodka and mule juice into a carafe or jug. Stir to combine.
Step 2
Half-fill twelve 300 ml capacity highball glasses with crushed ice. Pour over 1/3 cup of the vodka and mule mixture.
Step 3
Top with ginger beer. Serve
Information
I like the taste of this one, but it does leave a bit of a bad after taste in your mouth. But that is what beer is for. After a mouth full – grab yourself some beer and have a quick skull. Before you know it – the meal is gone and you are feeling pretty happy with yourself. I have used part of a jacket of my partner - I am sure she will not miss it.
Ingredients and required items
500 grams of Wolf fur (an old jacket is fine)
2.5 litres of oyster sauce
Sunflower oil
Step 1
Pre heat a pan and put in enough oil to drown the wolf fur. Keep on high for at least 20 minutes or until the wolf fur starts to glow.
Step 2
Keep on high for a few minutes, and then drain half of the oil (you can re use the oil, it goes pretty good with chips).
Step 3
Add the oyster sauce and cook for a further 5 minutes. Done!
I tend to drink about 10 bottles of beer eating this one. So, make sure you have easy access to a toilet.
Information
Everyone is lazy these days, that is why we can all enjoy 1 minute frozen sausage roll’s/pie’s. If you are Australia, or would like to pretend you are Australia – please ensure you have some tomato sauce ready to chuck into the mix. None of this potato or cheese on top business – that is for girls and you are not a girl, are you?
Ingredients and required items
One or two frozen sausage rolls
Or
One or two frozen meat pies
Microwave
Step 1
Remove frozen items from the freezer and place inside the microwave. You do not need to use a plate or anything – just straight into the microwave
Step 2
Zap it for 30 seconds to one minute depending on how hungry you are
Step 3
Remove from microwave and pour some sauce onto the frozen item
Step 4
Eat
Credit goes to Harrison Conlin re http://twitter.com/harrisony/status/2164409592
Information
You know you are doing well in life when you can afford to eat burnt chicken feet with a tangy peanut sauce. This is very simple – and nothing in the world could go wrong, ever, while doing this. It has been known to stop a war, a bus full of people and improve the wireless signal on your wi-fi at home. Today we will make Vietnamese chicken feet with a Thai peanut sauce
Ingredients and required items
Chicken feet – about 10 pair’s
1 cup of dry roasted peanuts (lick the salt if they have salt)
1/3 a cup of water
1 teaspoon dark soy sauce
2 table spoons of brown sugar
2 teaspoons of sesame oil
2 tablespoons of vegetarian oil
1 teaspoon of tamarind paste
1 teaspoon of cayenne petter
1/3 a cup of coconut milk
Step 1
Give the chicken feet a good wash and then chuck them into a frying pan – cook without oil for around 20 minutes and then rotate. Keep rotating until black on each side
Step 2
Prepare the sauce by chucking all the items into a blender and zap it for a few minutes or until it is all smooth. Add more water if required
Step 3
Give it a quick taste and add extra stuff if you require. You may wish to put some chilly or MSG in at this point.
Step 4
Take the chicken feet out and place on your plates and tip the peanut sauce onto your chicken feet and eat!
(Chicken feet really scare me... be happy to know the above is actually normal chicken, click it if you wish to double confirm and dont trust Alan)
Information
Monosodium glutamate (MSG) lollipops are great for the kids. It helps them to gain weight, think faster and acts as an anti-depressant. This will make between 40 and 50 lollipops
Ingredients and required items
2 cups of granulated sugar
1 cup of light corn syrup
2 teaspoons of flavouring oil (any flavour will do)
40 grams of MSG
2 teaspoons of food colouring (any colour, besides blue)
Molds – anyshape
Sticks – such as cut off ear-buds or iceblock sticks
Step 1
Spray the moulds with non-stick cooking spray and insert stick
Step 2
In a large pot, mix together the sugar, corn syrup, water and the MSG. Stir over medium heat until it is all mixed together
Step 3
Bring mixture to boil without stirring.
Step 4
Add colour and stir and remove from in about a minute
Step 5
Add flavouring and stir a little more and then pour the mixture into the moulds in step 1
Step 6
Let it cool at room temperature and then remove from the moulds and you now have a great treat for the little kids.
Information
If you are a cheap-ass and have a bit of time on your hand, then making home made coke is perfect. After a few years of trying this, I have almost perfected the recipe and am glad to tell my viewers that it tastes like coke which has been left in the fridge for two days. The following will make around 3 litters. Best drunk the same day of making
Ingredients and required items
1.5 litters of Carbonated Purified Water (could use soda water)
1KG of Cane Sugar
50 ml of Colour (caramel 150d)
5 ml of Food Acid (338)
1.5kg of Kola nuts
3 grams of Caffeine (could use a few caffeine pills if your local supermarket does not contain caffeine powder.
Step 1
Take the sugar and mix it in with the carbonated purified water. You can use an egg beater, but I find that it makes it lose its bubbles fast. An egg whisk is the best thing to use here. This will take a few minutes.
Step 2
Crush the kola nuts into a fine grain – about the same denstity as the sugar.
Step 3
Add the kola nut grains into the sugar and carbonated mixture and whisk a further minute or two
Step 4
Add the remaining ingredients and whisk for a further minute
Step 5
Bottle the above and place it in the fridge. Please remember to shake the cola mix before drinking because some of the ingredients would have settled to the bottom
Information
Ever been to Japan? Ever seen their square watermelons? Ever tried wasabi? You are in for a treat tonight! This one will cost you around $720,000 to genetically modify the watermelon to have a wasabi taste. But it is worth every cent to see the looks on peoples face when they try it! Of course, you do not tell them that it is wasabi flavoured.
Ingredients and required items
Wasabi seeds
Watermelon seeds
?????
Two years at a research facility and $720,000
Step 1
Fly to Japan
Step 2
Pay $720,000 to a company who has their own research lab
Step 3
Wait two to four years
Step 4
Collect wasabi flavoured watermelon
Step 5
Eat!
Credit for this one goes to Sam Fu
Information
Malaysian BBQ Terry Ong spare ribs is just that, a Terry Ong’s ribs done on a BBQ. Finding a Terry Ong can be a little hard, since they do not allow export from Malaysia. There is a black market for it – but if you get caught, you are in big trouble. So, it just leaves eBay. Happy bidding!
Ingredients and required items
4 to 8 Terry Ong rib’s
Your choice of sauce or gravy, I like to use simple BBQ sauce
A BBQ
Step 1
Marinate the ribs – I tend to let it sit for a few days in the fridge to juice up nicely.
Step 2
Turn the BBQ on high – chuck the ribs on – let each side cook for about 5 minutes and serve! Just like a good streak, you should only flip them once. What also is nice is putting the extra sauce on just after you flip it to the second side
