cooking with alan

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Strawberries and onion gravy is a well balanced gravy. It can be used for either a main course meal or for a dessert or even both if you feel cheap tonight and only producing one gravy. I like to use frozen strawberries for this gravy because they tend to hold their weight better and don’t crumble. For the actual gravy, its best to just buy it in a can or bottle because I don’t know about you – but I always fail to make home made gravy. It either ends up too runny, too lumpy or somehow catches fire on my stove.

Ingredients and required items
500 grams of strawberries
2 large onions, diced
250 grams of gravy stock / mix
500 ml’s of water

Step 1
Bring the water to boil and add the gravy

Step 2
Stir constantly until it has reached boiling once again. Reduce the temperature so it will simmer. Add the straw berries

Step 3
Stir for a further 5 minutes or until the strawberries have turned golden brown. Add the onions and let it cook for a further minute.

Now poor onto the dish of your choice. To keep warm – place a lid on the pot. It should stay warm for around an hour – enough time to re-use it for the dessert.

Credit for this one goes to Heather Donnelly via http://twitter.com/rtrgrrl/status/2188553003

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22 meat pizza. Sure, there is a 8 meat one from Domino’s and probably something similar from Pizza Hut. But, the 22 meat pizza shows the world you are a man and should not be messed with. This pizza is epic in so many ways. The only real requirement is to see a doctor within 48 hours to ensure your blood pressure is still good and that the fat content has not clogged up your arteries. This pizza is good for eight to ten people.

Ingredients and required items
Meats
100 grams of salami (diced)
250 grams of chicken breast (sliced)
150 grams of ham (sliced)
225 grams of roast beef (sliced)
250 grams of pork chops
175 grams of salmon (minced)
150 grams of alligator (sliced)
125 grams of turkey (sliced)
5 american hot dogs (boiled, whole)
125 grams of bacon (diced)
190 grams of lamb liver (diced)
2 chicken wings (whole but without the bones)
2 italian sausages (boiled, chopped)
2 beef rump steaks (fried,  whole)
175 grams of pepperoni (slices)
150 grams of moose (large chunks)
250 grams of shrimps or prawns (fried whole, de-skinned)
100 grams of veal (minced)
100 grams of crocodile (thick slices)
2 deep fried carpet snakes (skin removed / diced meat)
100 grams of quail (sliced)
150 dried shark-fin (thick sliced)

Other things
2 Pizza bases – either make your own or buy premade
8 cans or bottles of pizza sauce (around 4 litters)
3kg of cheese (grated)

Step 1
Start with the base – put the sauce on

Step 2
Grab the two beef rump steaks and use as the base for the diced salami. Now mix a little more sauce onto the pizza and then put the diced bacon, diced lamb liver and diced snake.

Step 3
Add a layer of grated cheese, and a little more sauce. Now we put some quail slices and minced veal onto the pizza.

Step 4
Another layer of cheese (no sauce this time) and then we put the sliced alligator and crocodile on. We then put a little more sauce and cheese down and then we put the pepperoni and turkey slices on

Step 5
Fish time – put the prawns and salmon on. A bit of cheese on top (not too much, most of it will go on at the end)

Step 6
We then need to cook the above for about 10 minutes on high in the oven. Then remove, let it cool for about 10 minutes

Step 7
Add another layer of cheese, followed by the remaining white meat (chicken, pork chops and moose). Add a little more cheese and sauce

Step 8
Sausage time – add the Italian and American hot dogs into the mix. You can put the dried shark fin on now if you wish or leave it until after step 9 – your choice

Step 9
Add the ham and roast beef. If you have not used the shark fin – you can use it now. Add the remaining sauce and then the cheese on top

Step 10
You will now need to squash it all down a bit otherwise you might have problems putting it in the oven. I usually just stand on it and after a few minutes its all fine.

Step 11
Place the second pizza base on the top and squash a little more

Step 12
Place back in the oven for another 35 minutes.

You now have the most epic pizza in the world.

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I don’t know about you, but batter covered prawns are a little boring these days. You can get them everywhere. Battered rabbit claws are just great change and add a ton of excitement. You treat them the same as a prawn – remove the outer shell and chomp away to eat. You even cook them the same. The only difference is that it’s rabbit claws.

Ingredients and required items
About two dozen rabbit claws
Olive oil
150grams of flour
2 egg whites
250 ml of beer or lager
Salt

Step 1
Sieve the flour into a bowl and add a little salt

Step 2
Make a hole in the middle of the flour and add 1 table spoon of oil and beer

Step 3
Stir the mixture until it is mixed up and confused

Step 4
Peel the rabbit claws, leaving the very tip of the claw (exactly the same as if you did it with real prawns!)

Step 5
Whisk the egg white until stiff, add to the batter Step 6 Heat enough oil in a pan to fry the rabbit claws

Step 7
Place the claws in the batter one at a time and then fry a few at a time until the batter has turned golden.

Step 8
Remove the claws and drain and excess oil and place them on a plate covered in foil or bakers paper

If you fail at making this, then you should go back to school. It is that simple, even my cat would be able to make these

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Time for a change! Today we will do a drink which makes you mouth feel happy. Super Sour Lemmon Milk Shake. This is so powerful; it will probably change the look on your face forever. If you have never cried in your entire life, this will make you weep for a few days. It has enough vitamin C and A that you will be able to go without the sun for a few months and still keep the same skin colour

Ingredients and required items
About 2KG of lemons
100 ml of milk

Step 1
Take the lemons, and chuck them straight into the blender. Leave the skin on as that is the best part of it. With such a large lot of lemons, you are probably best to do it in two or three lots. Add the milk as you go

Step 2
Place into a cup and drink.

Want to add a few twists? Have timed drinking competitions with your friends. Then play again, trying to beat the prior times! This is a fun game and will take hours to complete. Just remember, wimps use sugar and you are not a wimp!

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This is a great dessert, even in the middle of winter! Nothing beats fried fruit bat heads with a chilly icecream mix. You can even chuck in some berries!

Ingredients and required items
About 1 kg of fruit bats heads. You can get these from almost any butcher in Australia
Ice cream – as much as you wish.
Additional fruit
Sugar oil

Step 1
Take the bat heads – and give them a good clean. Don’t be too rough, as they are fragile and prone to split into two or more bits. To remove the skull, tip it up-side down and apply gentle pressure to the top. It should just slide out

Step 2
Place the sugar oil into a frying pan, and put it on a low temperature. When it starts to bubble – place the bat heads into the sugar oil. You will need to rotate them after a few minutes to ensure they are cooked well. They will probably fall apart, as you can see in my picture.

Step 3
Get your bowls – and put ice cream into the bowls. Take the bat heads out of the pan and place them in with the ice cream. Sprinkle any additional fruit on top, such as raspberries or strawberries. I didn’t have any fruit today so I have done it without. 

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New Zealand Mountain Oysters in a sushi style are a take on the classic Rocky Mountain Oysters from North America, but using Sheep’s balls and prepared in a way to make the Japanese proud. This meal is best served at room temperature using fresh ingredients. The fresher the sheep balls, the better. Never use frozen balls because they lose their flavour.

Ingredients and required items
8 to 16 sheep testicles (skinless balls are fine)
2 to 4 cups of medium grain rice
Nori Seaweed or Soybean paper (some people don’t like seaweed)
Half a cup of Sugar

Step 1
Cook the rice like you would normally do it but add a little sugar (rice cooker / pot / microwave etc). This helps it all to stick together. Let it cool down for around 45 minutes.

Step 2
Get your Seaweed or Soybean paper and lay it flat on a chopping board. Place about a cup of rice on the paper, and spread it out. Roll it up like you would for a sausage roll and then use a little bit of sugar in a pinch of water as a glue to hold it all together.

Step 3
Wait about five minutes for it all to settle down and for the sugar and water mix to do its stuff. Cut it into four evenly sized bits

Step 4
I like to use a caramel sauce with the sheep testicles. It makes the sour taste and squishy feeling of the testicle a little more life. Usually just sugar fried in a pan or pot is enough.

Step 5
Now it is time to give your balls a quick wash. I don’t like to use cold water, as it makes them go a little brittle. Water which is just warm is more then suitable.

Step 6
Place the sushi rolls onto a plate and then place the sheep testicles onto the sushi. Use the caramel sauce to cover the balls as the picture below

Welcome to the world of mountain oysters! I bet your friends could spend hours trying to guess what they just ate. And even if you tell them, they will not believe you!

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Strawberry Cheesecake is always a winner. This is a very simple recipe, using almost no ingredients and yet the results are far to cool to even talk about! Everything just falls in to place in front of your eyes, you will be amazed. This recipe is also pretty cheap and makes enough to feed 8 to 10 people.

Ingredients and required items
3 eggs
Half a cup of milk

Step 1
Mix everything above into a oven proof bowl for a few minutes using an egg beater on high.

Step 2
Cook on high for 30 to 45 minutes in the oven, until golden brown.

Step 3
Let it cool for about 30 minutes and then place in the fridge for about an hour.  Serve when ready.

Easy as that! Look at the fantastic photo’s I had taken earlier

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Redbull soup is a great way to introduce a sweet flavour into your normally boring soup. It can go into almost any soup, besides chicken soup. Chicken has a weird reaction with Redbull and the chicken will shrink. I think it is a black hole or something similar and this is why the chicken manufactures around the world use V (the energy drink) rather then Redbull to increase their sizes.

Today we will do a simple beef soup with Redbull.

Ingredients and required items
500 grams of finely diced beef
2 onions chopped
2 cans or 1 bottle of Redbull
2 cloves of garlic chopped
1 bay leaf
750 ml of water
Grated peel of one lemon

Step 1
Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan

Step 2
Gently simmer for about an hour

And there you have it… Redbull beef soup

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Ah Taho. Yum yum. I have a twist on this one. The traditional way of getting it means getting up early in the morning, waiting for the magtataho (taho vendor) yelling taho(!!) on the street, trying to catch up to him before he runs out and ensuring he does not slip you back a 20 instead of a 50. So much effort! So, let’s do it another way so it doubles as a hot water bottle in the cold and a drink when you get up in the morning.

Ingredients and required items
The Taho
¼ kg of soybeans 2
litters of water
1 piece of gulaman
1 teaspoon of vanilla

The syrup
1 kg brown sugar
1 litter of water

Step 1
Soak the beans in the water during the day

Step 2
Grind finely while adding boiling water

Step 3
Put soybeans in a cheesecloth and squeeze out milk

Step 4
Boil soymilk for 5 to 10 minutes

Step 5
Stir and add gulaman

Step 6
Allow to boil for 10 minutes.  Add vanilla.

Step 7
Pass the mixture through a cheesecloth and put in a moulder

Step 8
Place in hot water bottle and go to bed.

Eat/drink whenever you feel like during the night. Enjoy!

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Pressure cooked Balut is an old favourite of mine. It comes from the Asian area, above Australia and below Russia somewhere. It is when a nearly hatched egg (usually chicken or duck) is cooked and eaten. But at cooking by alan, we do things differently. Today – we are going to cook elephant egg Balut because it is enough of a meal for four to eight people. The only draw back of an Elephant Balut is that the trunk usually is not formed until after the elephant is born. And it is not quiet the same if you cook one after it has hatched.

Ingredients and required items
One elephant egg which is nearly ready to hatch (you can confirm by tapping on the shell)
The largest sized pot you can find
Boiled water from a prior article goes well
Half a cup of salt

Step 1
Bring the water to boil.

Step 2
Place the Elephant egg into the water

Step 3
Let it cook for about two hours.

Step 4
Break open the shell and slice it up. Serve with salt.