cooking with alan

Information
If you are a cheap-ass and have a bit of time on your hand, then making home made coke is perfect. After a few years of trying this, I have almost perfected the recipe and am glad to tell my viewers that it tastes like coke which has been left in the fridge for two days. The following will make around 3 litters. Best drunk the same day of making

Ingredients and required items
1.5 litters of Carbonated Purified Water (could use soda water)
1KG of Cane Sugar
50 ml of Colour (caramel 150d)
5 ml of Food Acid (338)
1.5kg of Kola nuts
3 grams of Caffeine (could use a few caffeine pills if your local supermarket does not contain caffeine powder.

Step 1
Take the sugar and mix it in with the carbonated purified water. You can use an egg beater, but I find that it makes it lose its bubbles fast. An egg whisk is the best thing to use here. This will take a few minutes.

Step 2
Crush the kola nuts into a fine grain – about the same denstity as the sugar.

Step 3
Add the kola nut grains into the sugar and carbonated mixture and whisk a further minute or two

Step 4
Add the remaining ingredients and whisk for a further minute

Step 5
Bottle the above and place it in the fridge. Please remember to shake the cola mix before drinking because some of the ingredients would have settled to the bottom

Information
22 meat pizza. Sure, there is a 8 meat one from Domino’s and probably something similar from Pizza Hut. But, the 22 meat pizza shows the world you are a man and should not be messed with. This pizza is epic in so many ways. The only real requirement is to see a doctor within 48 hours to ensure your blood pressure is still good and that the fat content has not clogged up your arteries. This pizza is good for eight to ten people.

Ingredients and required items
Meats
100 grams of salami (diced)
250 grams of chicken breast (sliced)
150 grams of ham (sliced)
225 grams of roast beef (sliced)
250 grams of pork chops
175 grams of salmon (minced)
150 grams of alligator (sliced)
125 grams of turkey (sliced)
5 american hot dogs (boiled, whole)
125 grams of bacon (diced)
190 grams of lamb liver (diced)
2 chicken wings (whole but without the bones)
2 italian sausages (boiled, chopped)
2 beef rump steaks (fried,  whole)
175 grams of pepperoni (slices)
150 grams of moose (large chunks)
250 grams of shrimps or prawns (fried whole, de-skinned)
100 grams of veal (minced)
100 grams of crocodile (thick slices)
2 deep fried carpet snakes (skin removed / diced meat)
100 grams of quail (sliced)
150 dried shark-fin (thick sliced)

Other things
2 Pizza bases – either make your own or buy premade
8 cans or bottles of pizza sauce (around 4 litters)
3kg of cheese (grated)

Step 1
Start with the base – put the sauce on

Step 2
Grab the two beef rump steaks and use as the base for the diced salami. Now mix a little more sauce onto the pizza and then put the diced bacon, diced lamb liver and diced snake.

Step 3
Add a layer of grated cheese, and a little more sauce. Now we put some quail slices and minced veal onto the pizza.

Step 4
Another layer of cheese (no sauce this time) and then we put the sliced alligator and crocodile on. We then put a little more sauce and cheese down and then we put the pepperoni and turkey slices on

Step 5
Fish time – put the prawns and salmon on. A bit of cheese on top (not too much, most of it will go on at the end)

Step 6
We then need to cook the above for about 10 minutes on high in the oven. Then remove, let it cool for about 10 minutes

Step 7
Add another layer of cheese, followed by the remaining white meat (chicken, pork chops and moose). Add a little more cheese and sauce

Step 8
Sausage time – add the Italian and American hot dogs into the mix. You can put the dried shark fin on now if you wish or leave it until after step 9 – your choice

Step 9
Add the ham and roast beef. If you have not used the shark fin – you can use it now. Add the remaining sauce and then the cheese on top

Step 10
You will now need to squash it all down a bit otherwise you might have problems putting it in the oven. I usually just stand on it and after a few minutes its all fine.

Step 11
Place the second pizza base on the top and squash a little more

Step 12
Place back in the oven for another 35 minutes.

You now have the most epic pizza in the world.

Information
Ah the art of boiling water!  Now, don't let others tell you how easy this is.  This is very complicated as a lot can go wrong.  You could spill the water, your pot could get a leak in the side or a frog may jump in.  So, you need to be prepared for everything which may or may not happen.  If you take shortcuts, you will be hurt. 

Ingredients and items required
Pot + oversized lid
Masking tape
Two or three towels
An egg timer
Masking tape

Step 1
Give yourself ample time.  The more the better.  As stated above, water can be dangerous.  I usually like to start with inspecting the pot.  I usually fill it with water, and then let it sit for about an hour on a paper towel.  If it leaks - you will be able to tell pretty quickly because the paper towel will become wet.  

Step 2
Alright - after confirming there is no leak - take the pot, and empty it.  The water has became old so you don't want to use that.  Re-fill it with some fresh stuff from the tap.  If you are worried about bugs in your water, you can boil some water in a jug; wait for it to cool down and then poor it into the pot.  Fresh water is the best thing in the world.  

Step 3
Using the masking tape - seal the lid onto the pot.  This will ensure nothing can get into the pot while yo are boiling it.  I usually use an entire 20 meter roll of tape to be safe.  After the lid has been secured, place the pot on the stove to heat.

Step 4
Since it is fully secured - crank the feat up to 100% and start the egg timer.  Ensure you do not go more then 1 meter away from the pot so that if there is a fire, you can react quickly.  In preparation, you can wrap your arms around in the towels listed in the requirements section.

Step 5
After about 30 minutes - the water would have boiled enough to be safe.  You can now put other things into the boiling water, such as dried fish or egg's.